Saturday, October 22, 2016

Urgent message from another dimension Oracle '''my first out of body experience''

     Urgent message from another dimension   Oracle '''my first out of body experience''

My first out of body experience came in a flash, like a baby walking in the shallow water and stepping into a hole forcing them to sink or swim. I did in a sense bring it on myself, because I searched desperately for answers, I was trying  to find god , and when the answers I had been wanting finally came , It was more beautiful than I ever imagined


Before you read this true story I would  like to invite you to check out my tribes  project .
 My tribe,  Mothers from the stars , Are perusing a world changing goal of building a multicultural ,self sustaining , reservation to create a psychologically safe environment , a environment based on dignity and true equality for all mankīnd......

Elders green light star child Oracles,my first out of body experience 
                     While I kept my status secret for so long , but now I have finally been told its time to hand the people the truth we know, the truth we see in the other dimensions
           In my story , the bad guy won, the bad guy destroyed me , and took everything, the bad guy rewrote the story , a history book where I was the villain.
I had lost my honest joy . I was trapped in a horror of false smiles and forced laughter. The emotionally overwhelming moments had come and passed. Like the ones sitting in the bath tub , under a brutally hot shower and allowing the devastation to release so freely that I actually wailed and intermittently screamed.  The Question of why , and how my own mother could do this to me faded like a blanket left in the sun. I still didn’t know the answer , but the question itself lost its importance. I moved my state of mind from one side of my perception to the other. Some physiological theorist theorize this state as acceptance of hopelessness. However , as the host I feel more like it was the crack in the door that lead me to enlightenment. Through that door rays of light came, a light not visualized ,but that is felt like vibrations. My acceptance that my worst nightmare had become my reality evolved. I finally had gained the strength to remove myself from one reality and embrace a multitude of others.
      The fear of one factor still remained. Right or wrong, betrayed or not, I still was alienated from my daughters. I had no way of knowing what was going on ,was cut off . I was unable to be a part of my own daughters life, unable to mold my own creation. Most importantly ,I was noticing the signs of emotional abuse . The signs I understood from the experience of being my mothers victim once myself.  
      My heart dragged me to the same mountains where I had found peace after my husband died. Like before I bit the bullet and hitchhiked across the country. I had found a cave on my previous trip to meditate in. It’s a well-known fact Buddhist monks use caves , and I always thought that the reason was sensory deprivation. I was wrong, gloriously and vividly wrong.
           I set up my alter to self and began my meditation. The meditation felt far to forced and knowing I had weeks to spend there in that cave I allowed my mind to wonder , if nothing else to get the thoughts out of the way. I allowed the current to pass freely through my mind.
           I have been alienated from my children , I don’t know how I can prepare them for the future, I can not protect them, I can not comfort them. I can't even speak to them anymore….
           "But what if you can'' A familiar voice slid through my mind. A voice I hadn't heard in a very long time. A voice I once forced myself to forget. The words echoed and the echo was followed by a vision of a face in my mind.
                  Saara, MY mother had sent me to psychologist after psychologist to remove this very apparition. When one said there was no mental disorder then I was sent to a new one, unable to explain to her how and why I was so positive the entity was real she even tried to have pastors rebuke the ''demon''. The entity eventualy left and after that I felt utterly alone. The world became cruel to me then, my own parents , school children , teachers. Most I know had been good people , with good hearts , just didn’t understand me, I was unusually foreign  to them. I was getting abuse from every angle , and eventual My mother convinced me Saara was an imaginary friend my subconscious created to protect myself. The fact that I had seen her after I had driven a car off a cliff , before any rescue personnel had arrive . The fact that I once swore I had seen her while my stepfather was beating me, telling me to run into the woods. The fact that I had seen her during time like these , times of trauma , helped my believe she wasn’t real. However , traumatic experiences  or not , this time I felt her with vivid clarity. Not human, not inside myself,  but surrounding me entirely, like being submerged in water.
        ''Sati''…… The voice still echoing began to trail every word With a almost musical tone, "sati" ….   ''leave the shell behind and fallow me.'
    As a euphoric feeling I can only compare to a mixture of ecstasy , and  chemical trips  swept over me I felt a peaceful yet odd relief of the pressure  of gravity. It was not like floating either, because floating in water ,still, you are being pulled up, in this feeling there was no pull at all.  I felt the presence of many others , but at the same time the idea of others as a physical manifestation was almost a silly concept. Thinking back it was exactly like a memory I have held onto since childhood. One of lying awake in bed  an seeing The room covered with teeny tiny particles of light , hundreds of different colors dancing harmoniously across the entire room.  This was the same but this time I was part of them. Even the essence of thought was vastly different . I had in this state no English voice in my head, instead communication was an entirely different wave . The frequency  , the speed , the color, and the glow was pure and communicated vividly.  It was instant understanding , but with the nostalgic feeling of those conversations few of us even get to experience. Those divinely connected thought patterns with every ideal motivating new branches of concepts. However the sharing of ideals wasn't impeded by the need to find correct wording , but simply being , the direct download of all information like a super computer with infinite storage and infinite widths of broad band.
        The great wonder seemed to grow as our course headed toward a dramatic combinations of tones , with no sound still mirrors the grand complexity of hundreds of symphonies combined in harmony. For the first time I grew a question not answered and as a mockery to my confusion I understood that I was to find the answer myself.
A dark cloud seemed to surround a portion of this great star , but what I saw when we became closer was no cloud at all. In fact the darkness was simply dimmed , but the same sparkling lights infinite that simple had slowed and stopped vibrating. A powerful burst of light inside these dark areas seemed to brake the stillness. It was like a atom inside a melancholy would refuse the still silence and burst into an enormous combustion , some would be overcome by the stillness around them and again fade , but some spread the brilliant need for frequency. Most wonderful of all happened to be those who fought fiercely with the still silence and doing so spread there need to dance in vibrations of love across masses of others and grew a brilliant new mass of light and energy.
Time had no meaning , like a dream the environment grasped an essence of our reality again , but I watched a middle eastern woman fall to her knees grabbing her stomach and screaming . I instantly understood the feeling I unfortunately knew so well as a mothers loss of a child and vividly felt again the emotion sweep over me. I never considered if I was having a vision or a lucid dream and ran to her to comfort her . My eyes didn’t study her face for a long moment but as I finally registered her features I saw a slightly different version of sarra. I didn’t have time to be shocked yet , as the terrain and the sky and the woman in my arms changed form again and again . Right in my arms, looking into my eyes ,never losing the emotional connection even slightly, like a time speeded video the woman change over and over. Finally, the truly shocking moment came, I was holding Norma, I was holding Marilyn monroe . I jumped back , and slowly took in her full form view. From her stomach blood soaked through a silk night gown                    
And she reached out , crying for help and looking just past me. I turned to see a group of men standing , watching with a haunting predatory smile. The only man not smiling I clearly recognized as Arthur Miller , but as she screamed for help begging him not to abandon her I watched in terror as he slowly turned and walked away.
   The overwhelming feeling of betrayal swept over me again, but far more intense than sympathy or understanding .It was my feeling , a past betrayal brought to the surface. The experience of losing a child is bad enough , but imagine your spouse being involved in your unwanted abortion . Knowing he helped ,he knew it was coming, he allowed it to happen, and helped hide it after words by slandering her, buy spreading false rumors about her mental state. I didn’t know the facts , still don’t , but I did know that Miller had been one of those men .Yet, even if Miller didn’t pull the trigger , Miller gained her trust, he made her feel safe and loved , while he swore his devotion , while he promised her protection, he had been planning his betrayal. The entire time he was only misleading her , getting close to her to manipulate her emotions. Getting a better grip on the rug before jerking it out from under her.  I have experience with  this combination myself. My own mother claimed to love me, she promised me a forever love.  She manipulated my emotions , by using my love for my daughters and the respect I showed her after years of hurting me as a weakness . I had 2 daughters before I turned 19, she stole both. I didn’t trust her completely but I felt like it would be wrong to alienate my daughters from family simply because of my own issues. Not cutting her out of my life completely is the worst mistake I ever made. She too stole my offspring and covered up the scandal by spreading gossip to cast disbelief  on my character. As I set there with my eyes squeezed closed tightly, understanding the concept of the pain we shared, but then I heard my own voice. Looking back to the morning beauty the bowed head was covered in blue hair , and lifting her head the figure had a new face. It was me. I was on my knees holding my stomach , and in a surrounding I recognized as the banks of the Canadian  river. I was crying silently and praying to the entity I at that time believed was the Christian god, trying to express my grief , wanting acknowledgement of my innocents ,begging for another chance , begging god to give me another baby.
     I watched myself like a intense movie scene, but breaking the surreal nostalgic moment a group of women walked up behind my doppelganger figure of memory. The crowd wore the faces that had just been flashing on the figure I had been holding and comforting. Each face posed in the expression of devastating sadness, all empathetic to my circumstances , but staring at the me that was the spectator , instead of the me in the vision.   Once they reached the mourning figure the crying stopped, and the figure raised her head. She was looking into my eyes ,but blank faced and still like a wax sculpture. The women all reach out a hand , like offering a child candy, but what was in the hands was far from candy. Slowly light pink spiders creeped over the fingers and off the hands , jumping to my frozen likeness. Then crawling over my shoulders the spiders all vanished as they reached my stomach , eventual my stomach stretched to a obviously pregnant stomach. The faces of the crowed eased the expression of devastation , but only to a dull melancholy, and stepped slightly over as 2 African woman emerged. An older woman((who I had met before)) , and a younger woman who was obviously her daughter. The older woman had tears of happiness and the look of honest love in her eyes, and reaching out her hand to graze her daughters cheek, saying to me '' I did it all for her, I knew I would rather die trying to make it to America , then let my leaders take little spiders  life.''
              SIDE STORY:
I met the older woman before , just before I learned I was pregnant with my second daughter at a rainbow family gathering ((A yearly event with hippies gathering in the forest )). She was sitting with a group of Africans around a fire ,dressed in a beautiful African dress , and with African music being played by the fire ,in a dark night, she was so harmonious with her surrounding I couldn’t resist her motioning me to sit by her. We smoked weed, and talked until the sun rise. She told me her story, how she was raped ,rape while she was still a virgin , and the leaders of her tribe would murder all the children that came from rape, to send the evil back to the gods. She found a deadly poisonous spider , and made it bite her. She knew the only way to leave the village was to need emergency medical treatment . She didn’t go to the hospital right away, because after being treated in the city her own mother would know she was with child, and drag her home to the murder of her evil child. Instead she hid in a crate in a cargo ship headed for America, Unnoticed until the crew unloaded at the dock . She was teetering on the edge of death , but after learning why she did this the united states granted her asylum. She named her daughter , in her own language , Glowing Light Spiderbite, and it was such a powerful story to me , so close to my own I named my own daughter Star Spiderbite, ''D'les Elexia Star Spiderbite Alexander.''                                   
     I strained to see the women as it grew dark , but I lost them to a relentless blackness. Through the black sounds of footsteps running echoed from a distance . I then saw myself running through trees and coming to a stop at the edge of a lake . The lake was the same lake on the goat ranch I grew up on. I would go there to be alone , to get away from everything. I had set by the water and behind me a faint smoke like figure of saara was  standing. I watched myself dig in the dirt and pull out a sketch book. I had hidden the book because my parents would often be cruel enough to destroy my artwork , even punish me for doing artwork, no  matter what the artwork was. I see now the Envy in there action , the anger they felt that I could do something they couldn’t , the aggravation they got because even though they made my life hell I could find escape to peace in my own mind.
        "Your artwork , you never stopped , creating your own little worlds "  Saara commented in an almost giggling  voice from behind me . 
              ''I thought I was ugly, I was''
        '' You had an urge to escape your reality, to create the beauty in your mind into a more solid form. Creation is why we come here you know. The need for expression , is the mother of creative individualism, and individualism forces the mind to know itself" 
'' Like the line Oscar Wilde used?'' I said after instantly connecting to one of my fav book's.
"and where do you think he got it from?'' she asked , and her voice began to take on a sad feel , '' just like Siddhartha, and Magdalene, Moses, Abraham ,  Einstein , Tesla , Hume ,Huxley, Coyn, Kurzweil , Braun , Blavatsky.''
I didn’t know most of those names and I turned to tell her so, but she was crying.
 The vision again faded and darkness took over but a single light began to flicker in the distance.. The Feeling again  of ultimate connection surrounded me   and instant understanding was again a part of the realm of  the 18 dimensions that where dramatically all one and yet all overlapping in atomic harmony . The best way to explain this in a understandable way is to place the once feared 666 at the points of a triangle. At each corner of the triangle sits a 6 , from each 6 , 6 points span apart in both directions  , then turned inward to all cross each other , almost like 3 wired net balls at each corner. However , while the center of the orbs are set , like your reality's solid dimensions in height width and length,  the dimensions here waved and danced in constant movement , overlapping , passing through each other ,but the dancing borders  never went through that fixed center, but instead only danced around it like fishing nets bellowing  in the wind. The dimensions there didn’t follow the same laws of nature.  This is why I said that the idea of others as a physical manifestation was just silly.   Even the concept of time didn’t work here, it would double back and cross its own path, but as random and chaotic as it seemed it still fallowed invisible and exact patterns in the natural laws of its
q . In the minimal solidity  atoms and matter held no form, conciseness was One entity. Like the fibers woven tightly in a cloth. Every strand touching every other strand..
       As the light grew closer I heard a child screaming, and the scene that came with it  turned my stomach and still haunts , always will .  I will spare you the graphic details , and just say that multiple children were being tortured raped and slaughtered . My heart dropped and my stomach churned.  I pushed back my need to vomit ,  an ran towards the horror . I am not sure what I was thinking , or what I was going to do .  I was stopped abruptly . Stopped abruptly in the sense that I ran smack into a invisible wall , and landed on my ass .  As I got up off the ground the vison changed. I watched a young mother held back by a police officer , obviously screaming and crying but it was silent . Another officer was putting a screaming child in his car, all the while the child was reaching out towards his mother.
   The meaning was clear, but It only added to a horror I was already familiar with. Thousands of children are being taken from good homes right here in the united states. I couldn’t even get my case in front of a judge that wasn’t corrupt . In my case multiple felonies had  been committed. I even won full custody less than 2 years before in Oklahoma, but they went to North Georgia , Where A family friend judge allowed my daughter to be adopted ''legally '' outside of court, and Without notifying  me, the biological mother. It’s a living nightmare , very real , and happening right here in America . The added notion that some of these children are bought and sold, and some never seen again leaves an obvious factor on the table .I turned and hid my face in saaras shoulder , overwhelmed and crying.
                      I smelled that nostalgic smell of marijuana , and lifted my head to see an adobe  room , filled with barefoot hippies. Taking my hand saara set down , and we all passed a clay bowl around the room , burning pot under a red hot coal in the bottom. Just as you and your friends the room was quickly filled with laughter and booming happy voices , most speaking Hebrew or something like it . Then the room went almost silent and I realized everyone was looking at me , had someone spoke to me?
''Your hair, Mary  asked you about your hair'' saara reached up and moved the hood off my hair and the entire room went silent and a man in the far corner spoke to me , and saara answered his question then translated.  '' He said he has traveled everywhere and never seen hair the color of the sky'' , '' I told him I brought you back from tomorrow , but tomorrows after the last visitor .
The room began to buzz with conversations I couldn’t understand then he reached out his hand taking the clay bowl , speaking directly to saara. When Saara answered the entire room burst into roars of laughter , only to hit a complete silence after he raised his hand. With a look on his face looking angry, and the men an women bowed there head in shame for  laughing.
Seeing the confusion on my face Saara smiled and enlightened me on the joke I missed '' He asked me if you have ever connected in mind to another, and I told him that in your time they had made connection against the law , and replaced connection with communion with tiny leaf thin crackers that tasted like tree bark and watered down wine ,more water than wine. '' I was still lost and must have been wearing  a dumb founded expression because she went slightly further. " I don’t know exactly how to explain it, Its like you. Have been turned off.
He spoke again, and handed me a ,long slinder pipe loaded full , I ,naturally, as a pot smoker hit it boldly, only to pass out immediately ,in time it seemed as though I had only blinked but sitting up I realized the room was empty all but, Saara, the same man, a woman in a vivid purple dress  and me…
            He began to speak again but this time , shocking myself,  I understood him clearly." she is of the sky, she is holy mother" he handed me the marijuana bowl again , instantly reminding me of wake and bakes from home. He ran his hand over the purple dressed woman's hand and they exchanged a loving smile, like old friends. Then she turned to me and those 'Huge' clear Blue eyes connected with mine , it was powerful to be looked at by her and I felt like I was frozen, as though breathing horrified me, as a teenager horrified and struck stupid by their first crush, I was awestruck and felt for the first time in the entire out of body experience I must be dreaming.,It was too too unreal. The horror I had saw never made me question the realism of the experience , horror fear I understood, and faces of popular and famous never made me question the realism ether , Id dated famous faces and they are only humans like everyone else. The beauty and the majestic aura that surrounded her was so different than anything I had seen before  my own mind wanted to reject it .I became overwhelmed and began to panic , hyperventilating,  fear coursed over me. I wanted to jump out the door and run away , but I couldn’t move. Then seeing through me , like reading my mind , she gracefully stood up and walked over to me. Gently dropping to her knees she looked into my eyes an inch from my face the panic faded. Her love seemed to vibrate outwardly like an invisible limb.   As silent tears began to roll down her face , the energy behind those blue eyes flowed through the air freely , like sound bombing , like wind from a hurricane ,Like light from the moon through a sheer vail , like pure oxygen giving a vibrant high to unready lungs, and I sensed it just as clearly as the senses all of us are aware of and take for granted. I recognized the tears and the energy as the emotion of beautiful , overwhelming , happiness.
The closest I had come to this emotion was the day I won custody of my daughter in that tiny court house in oklahoma. During a visit I had made to Georgia, I was arrested along with 4 other kids my age on our way home from atlanta, We all had been charged with possession of marijuana less than an ounce (( because of an empty zip lock bag they claimed once had weed in it))   and held in a county jail for A MONTH , which after talking to the others we came to the realization that no one in the car actual had the bag. (Ironically this was the ONLY TIME I left her house without her during that visit)) This visit was one of many I made so my 2nd daughter 'Star' and I could spend time with my older daughter Emily. (( I will explain the details later , but in short she stole Emily when I was 18 and moved to Georgia ,)) She put me through hell , but nothing could stop me from coming to see Emily,
 The narcissist  who was my mother has always been playing a game that only she can win. She has become addicted to false entitlement , and she is quit charismatic. So , me being around , watching her grandchildren love their mother, her daughter was insulting to her , and when she was emotionally abusive to my Emily I wouldn't ignore it , I would confront her , even at times physically and literally standing between them. ((for example a time when Emily 3 yr spilled cool aid , on the floor making a mess my mother grabbed Emily by the arm lifting her off the floor and carried her to the living room dropping her violently on the living room floor all while saying '' HOW MUTCH DO I HATE YOU , LET ME COUNT THE WAYS''. …. Or a time in Walmart when Emily asked for a dress she saw and my mother said ,'' it doesn’t come in your size your too fat'' ))  She had done all these things because she enjoys the feeling that she has the power and entitlement to do whatever she wants to anyone , the feeling that she has the right to control all others. She plays this game with everyone , she manipulates victims and spectators alike into fighting her battles then sits back watching the drama .  This is exactly how she fueled her conspiracy to kidnap my daughter star, When I was arrested and held she immediately directed my step father to drive Star from Georgia to oklahoma, where a friend of hers '…who already had a lawyer ready before I was arrested '…immediately, filed a petition for emergency custody.  I was handed the notification in jail before even being told she left the state of Georgia or my mother's house . I had been talking to my mother regularly and she lied to me saying star was playing or outside, and when the truth came out My heart was broken. Im lucky to have had Shannon Condi in my cell , as she was and is a great woman and comforted me during the trauma. After I was out of jail my mother tried to convince me to not go to oklahoma, even convinced her brother Frank Alexander I was a horrible mother and needed to lose my daughter Star, He refused to have an actual conversation with me, only got angry and yelled at me, as my mother set back and watch the drama she created with that same smug look she had when she pushed my stepfather to beat me.  It is simple as the narcissist who can't control you will destroy you.  It doesn’t actually matter who does destroy you , as long as they win. If my uncle Frank couldn’t reason with me , and get me to change my mind and not go to Oklahoma to fight for my daughter back  , it proved I was only a stupid self-centered child.                                      

                                                                                         This is my mother telling me she couldn't leave my abusive stepfather because of me.

My mother admitting to the conspiracies to kidnap my daughter

If someone else got custody of my daughter Star she would be justified  in all the harm she had done to me, and for all the times in multiple states she had made false allegations to cps in evert to get my daughter taken,((that had been investigated and found false )). However , She vastly underestimated me , and what I was willing to do for my children. When I was a child, She abandoned me emotionally , on purpose to make me try harder and harder to win back her love. Even now tells my daughters she had to become there mommy because minka couldn’t follow HER rules, and Jesus doesn’t  care about me anymore because I wasn't good enough.
     I had went back to Oklahoma , and was willing to do anything to get Star back, everything from taking parenting classes I had had before, a second time , and working two mainstream jobs I didn’t actually need ,because I had been a tattoo artist for 8 years at that point. I was going to get star home or die trying, and 6 mo later won full custody.
  I hadn't seen my Star in weeks, the court ordered visitations had been skipped. But before I only got to see her once a week in a public place under the supervision of the woman who was keeping her, and they claimed I was acting ''TO emotionally ''
And didn’t want to see me that way.
  So that day when I finally won the battle , proven myself worthy of something no one had the right to take, and my daughter was coming home I cried tears of joy, and that day my daughter Star and I became bonded closer, on a level of silent communication(A ASPECT of understanding that allowed me to teach her to draw numbers and letters at the age of 3 ).
  Here In this place ,this graceful creature looking into my eyes , I felt that same feeling.  As I was in shock , and awe , like a little girl in awe of a unicorn , she put her hand behind my head and kissed my lips. Instantly , that kiss sent a current like ice cold electricity through me, and my mind and body transformed. I was the same girl , the same face, the same shell , but inside it was as if I had once been filled with muddy dirty water and suddenly the water became clean. Figuratively , I was suddenly seeing things crystal clear that I had been straining to make out before. It wasn’t mind reading , not esp , not psychic , not telepathy and not instant genius , but a connection to her like the connection of energy  in the other world. Instantly realization came like fire and I was no longer afraid . Her heart was pure and I saw in her everything I had been missing . The truth is that marijuana is a tool to bring mankind together, lsd is a direct line to truth, removing you from the matrix. Peyote is the contact plug, Drugs are illegal to hide the truth , and even when 80% of our " allegedly democratic" society wants these drugs legalized it won't matter. They label the users and jail us for using it and not because they think we are a threat to society , they are a threat to their agenda. Even just smoking pot can open your eyes , and so users are jailed and prisoned to prevent an army being formed by militias of good men .
                  Looking in her eyes she said to me ,
           "I have been alienated from my children , I don’t know how I can prepare them for the future, I can not protect them, I can not comfort them. I can't even speak to them anymore…."
               My body chemistry happened to be more unaltered than normal because I come from an uper class family, then after being emotionally and mentally and physically abused I would hear of teen suicides and think if only I was able to love them, it finally was introduced to me that drugs and acid would end it all. Thinking acid would lobotomize me and end the pain so I did it in excess , but it was all a lie. Instead of loss it was gain, and it changed everything . I began seeing things others don’t and became an unbelievable artist.  Most importantly my urge to help and love complete strangers multiplied by millions and I let it drive me. Without fear or shame to control me I was using a mind unencumbered by society's rules. Traveling freely , seeing wonders, holding awe of the beauty that is nature truth and science. This is true freedom, true love and I wanted to free the entire world.
                              exert from my  Blog
                     march 2 2015
     Lets think for a minute like the world is a ocean . a huge mass of nothing but open water . You are all swimming about .. some have ships .. some have life boats some have nothing just fight and swim until eventually the tide takes you under .
      I however am a bird .. gracefully drifting over... I set my wings on fire and try to let the light lead you back to the surface. I dive in to the water over and over again ...swimming amongst your drowning souls' I whisper ...{ You can fly} but no one hears me . Some of you try to grab a hold of my wings and pull me down .. and as I would love to pull you to the sky I am heartbroken that I can not ...
I let my heart guide me far away from home .. from shore to shore .
                                exert from blog
                     june 23 2015
Without love a human being can not survive. Love is the glue holding our soles into our bodies. Love heals ,and nourishes our minds. Love inspires and empowers us. Yet, we still have a problem grasping it. This is because love also (when backed by fear) can completely destroy us. We know that love given and not returned causes unbelievable pain. So, we run from love, and hide our own love(unfortunately sometimes under a mask of hate or violence).
                      We (the world) simply revolves around the supreme power of love. We tell ourselves that a balance is required between love and hate. We tell ourselves not to love. We even teach our children through our own actions to rebuke love.
It's time again for a revolution. We can not clam to want world peace while we use brute force to control the lives of others. 
We know our governmental system is not only out of control , but like the slaves of ancient Egypt our society is controlled by a select group. We all honestly believe that politics are best left to these certain types of men, and the ideals of our government are far over the head of the common man. Then they use the media to scare us ,into whatever they want us to do.
 COME ON PEOPLE!! This country was built for us to escape this very system.
 Take back your own opinion. when you listen to anyone anywhere don't take it in blindly ,use your brain.
 If you only knew how beautiful the world would be ,if ,instead of teaching fear and hate we taught love and acceptance.
 We have to face the things our parents taught us and ask ourselves .Do I really want to make the same mistakes my father and mother have, and there father and mother befor them?
I don't think you do... I know I don't...
        In the world we live in now our bodies and minds are poisoned and mutilated. While many have become aware of the truth, Its been eclipsed , slandered , murdered, and greatly ridiculed in order to keep the truth hidden. Our bodies once had been capable  of things beyond your imagination , things that have been taken from us. Most important of these things is connection.  Before a child gets its '' legally required shots''  , its beginning of  life is pure and the bond of child and mother  are near impossible to brake .     The example is universally obvious to all of us , but what you don’t know is that over time that everything from out  water , gmo foods , massive slaughter houses and air , to  our television and internet  are laced with tiny bits of poisonous images and chemicals and sadly the connection has gotten thinner and thinner. Using thousands of outlets our bodies are being manipulated  , being drained of chemicals , rendering organs useless, and as I said before most importantly blocking receptors crucial to communication. As an example , insects such as bumblebees can communicate telepathically , the entire hive shares a link in there consciousness and communicate in order to protect their hive .
                          Losing part of our natural abilities has cut off the connection our species desperately needed to thrive. Notice , I didn’t say survive , in a sense all creatures link to a soul rotated through the cosmos , However , man has always been super but is only now human. A dream of super human creatures is a miss understood need to connect again , to hint to every one of us that our evolution has not only stopped completely , but is now slowly being reversed.
    I came home, returning from my out of body experience , my eyes opened and there were two other young girls who I had never seen before , silently sitting in deep meditation. I had seen traces left from others that visited before , but never actually there at the same time. I walked out the mouth of the cave , and was instantly  in the path of a naked little boy running full throttle from the forest , being chased by what was obviously his older sister. I was still a little out of it , the experience left me with a hazy hang over, and walking out in the dusky light a woman I would soon come to know as rain , the tribes  medicine woman and caregiver, steered me toward a fire. She cascaded squeals and fast spoken questions , but the only one I caught was , ''hhuuuuuuu … was this your first time?''.  Exhausted and over whelmed I finally began to level out and began to cry silent tears. It was a cry from exhaustion. Rain moved quickly , dropped everything she was holding and almost violently shoved my face between her breast saying , '' sweet girl ,oh it was'' when she finally let go of her death hold on my head she handed me a  wake and bake pipe loaded with pot and hot coffee.
     In a personality trait I eventually came to love as uniquely hers, rain would answer questions before half of it left your lips, and often with far more information than you need ,and so fast its hard to make out.
I said ,''how…''
And .. BOOM.. ''Long have you been in there? Oh , im not sure , we have been here two days , and your hiking pack and tent and  had snow on it so maybe three days or four , I washed your blakets , the other mothers and I were so excited to see you here its been years since we found another. "
  ''Another …''
''Another , Tribe member'' finally there was a moment of silence.. But it didn't last long '' we don’t know each other by sight , we could walk right by each other and not never realize, we don’t have a physical connection only spiritual, and well its not realy my place to teach you , that’s someone else's gift , I only care for the oracles. 
        There at the mouth of the cave we waited two more days before another left the cave and another day before the second. Then 3 more nights we waited until finally another came up the mountain and joined us . The third was the teacher and finally I got answers to my many questions. It is important that we fallow our set roles as each of us has been prepared for our roles throughout our lives , both the current life and past lives.  We all traveled together for months , taking random groups of homeless people food , and occasionally  crossing paths with other members. As a group of oracles that all came together , meeting at a location , a cave  we had all been pulled to without knowing why , or even knowing the others exist, Its far more than coincidence. I remember the feeling that I HAD to get there , I didn’t know why , or what I would find, but the feeling was powerful enough that I simply left one day, I don’t drive , so I hitch hiked , but I HAD to get there.
                                    Our tribe has many members but there are few oracles , the idea that oracles had been chosen as special from gog , and that there are a set number is complete bullshit , there are hundreds of oracles , and our hearts feel a need to create more and more. However , the role is chosen by the brave sole who is willing to die for the love of all else . The spirit must willingly enter our current reality in a life they know will be difficult , and the suffering in the life is absolutely critical as that suffering brakes the self-ego away.  The Ego must die over and over, In every aspect of self , and most importantly is the open realization that self is a viruses constantly trying to reattach any way it can , like thousands of leaches sneaking around a nude swimmer.
Self is the poison of confusion that separates all of man, self both blinds the confidence to hide our capabilities, and blinds humilities to hide our faults. If man could suspend self it could be instantly cured of evil. Yet, the virus of self has embedded its fangs in our world. The evil in our realm cut our connection to leave us in the dark, in the dark that evil switched places with the ultimate unborn ,many call god, and when the lights came on the self was able to convince us virtues should be selfish , and because it wās easier than thinking it stuck, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled wasn’t convincing people he didn’t exist , but actually switching places with god and selling the world a lie fallowed by don’t  ask questions or you’re a unfaithful fool was the worst trick..   And it built a world of evil idiots, to lazy to look for their own answers , yet attacked the others that did.  Leaving tiny hints through artists and great minds more and more looked for truth but as time has passed by the virus has gotten wiser . Like a trade passed through generations the selfish false entitled have taught the next generation to be corrupted and they learn the system of controlling masses that are kept secret. However every one of you have the power to grow these powers inside you. Harriet  Tubman said that she could have freed more slaves , but they didn’t know they were slaves, like you don’t realize what you are.
I was one of many ''jesus camp'' kids , the truth behind those places Is even worse than the documentary shows. The Pressure to prove yourself is always on , and as evangelistic con artist ((like Creflo DOLLAR))kept promising our parents that sending money to the ministry would plant a seed that would grow a money tree , and when that money tree never came the evangelist blamed the Jesus kids for the non-blessing , the Jesus kids ,watching any tv or listening to any music that was secular or not christian got in the way of their parents blessings from god .
For years and years my life was so horrific I was even punished for drawing pinup girls, Pin up girls I was impulsively drawing all the time because I was told I was ugly , fat , and that drove me to at least be able to create beauty.  I had been controlled with shame and guilt my whole life  , and physically beaten when I stood up for myself , and then ridiculed for asking questions.
I finally went against the sacred ideal that '' knowledge is evil'' and there I found my answers in zen Buddhism ,Buddhism gave me a venue for my dedication to honor and morals with an open invitation to take on all the knowledge I could.
                        And then there was the magic.
   Jesus kids are raised in a world where the ''bible'' is literal, and if you are a in a true ''walk with god'' you should be able to perform miracles.  Now , while I was still Christian I had experienced some truly real miracles, I saw angels when I was a little girl. I was found once walking down a dirt road at 3 yr old in the middle of the night , and I remember walking through our house and no one was there, but a bright light fallowed me Down a north Georgia road  .  living on large farms most times Id escape the violence running into the woods , as directed by my ''guardian angel''   , even rebuked stormy weather. But most vivid , Id dream things before they would happen. I saw my daughter choking on something and hitchhiked to Georgia braking the ''unfair no contact ruling, and was there the day it happened, and saved her life. …                      Then I dreamed my husbands death.
                      AN EXCERPT FROM MY BLOG DIARY :
                                July 4th 2013
      I had a dream while my husband and I were still together. In my dream I was riding along and my mother was driving. I keep looking around and wondering where he was. After I told my husband about the dream he told me not to worry , he wasn't going anywhere and nether was I .
      Today as my mother and I drove home from town I was staring blankly out the window remembering his deep voice saying "I love you sweet girl". The realization hit me that I was reliving my dream. He 'IS' missing from my life, and my heart and mind will forever be stuck in the unknowing . I had a dream he next night that I was running into a green valley in a white dress, and at the bottom of the hill I fell to my knees and there was blood everywhere , but the blood was almost invisible  , covered with green grass in such a way that a person would have too look VERY CLOSELY to see it at all. On my knees with the blood soaking into the white dress , I began to dig into the ground of blood  and pulling out human hearts . I began digging  faster and faster , three at a time , five  at a time , dropping them into my dress to hold them all. Then I woke up,  I don't know what this dream means, BUT knowing how my dreams turn to reality it is a little unsettling.
   Someone has a habit of warning me of my future in my dreams. I just hope that I dream of mike again.
   In my heart He is still alive. At any moment he could drive up the drive way . Will he ? Probably  not .  However, I don't think I could handle the world if I prove to myself he died. I need him to be alive... somewhere.. The best friend I ever had. the only person who loved me for exactly what I was.
   As he laid in icu. I cried to god .. " please give him back to me".    The world isn't fair. Love is hard to hold onto. ... Give him back to me ….
Refusing Christianity I became a target for the abusive parents I escaped. My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather her devoted empath felt so insulted that I had a life not under her control , she wouldn't stop untill she  destroyed me. They harassed me insanely ,relentlessly , untill they took everything I had , even took my children. And from calling my workplaces , to my landlords , and even planting rumors' in my relationships to blow my world down ,I finally just had to destroy my paper trail , and become unfindable . I became desperate to understand how and why people do what they do , I became obsessed with understanding the human brain.
me in hotel ,hitchhiked across kansas

me in Erie Pa

The world can be a cold hard place it can chew you up and spit you out . It can also turn upside down and open up for you letting your dreams rain on you .  I wouldn't suggest the roads iv taken to just anyone. however i can give you a front row seat to the memories .
Giving birth(i can tell you from experience) is a painful end-ever .  But being reborn in to the cold grasp of reality and onto a higher plain is even more painful . it is not just a physical pain ,but an emotional and mental pain. you can not love unconditionally until you have felt the torture and pain of losing a perfect love,and yearned to have it back with every fiber of your being .
You can not sacrifice yourself until you have given up everything.
No lie is worth the words as they are spoken so hold your tongue, 
To rejoice in calamity makes a soul evil, a good heart would seek peace for even its enemy's. 
I'm sorry if my blunt truths hurt you I will not cushion the blows to fixate for you a more comfortable reality. I fear that you as my fellow brothers and sisters deserve the truth. the real stories of the American underworld. Told by the fly on the wall.   
As a teenager who raised herself I was a lone wolf .  No one protected me . No one cushioned the blows of humanity for me . I was on my own and constantly on my guard as my life has always been a war. In this time those that resented me booby  trapped my life. Every step i took was onto another eggshell as to not wake the dragons and demons who could drag me from my path and drown me in the sticky nasty swamp land created by the evil in there soul...
... in the start I did not know anything,not what i wanted, not who i was , All i knew was escape . Escape from the world i was trapped in. That world driven by selfishness and greed,. my heart ached from a deep place , I survived ,this long, surely by the grace of god .
 I started young and traveled over most of America , before i was even old enough to drive. I could easily find a home ,in any city, where i felt more comfortable in than the home i started out. I was pushed and pulled and bounced around like a rubber bouncy ball ,from Washington to Florida or Cali to Maine and everywhere in between.

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