I wake up to a new day .. Fresh ..
I walked out the door (oiled down with coconut oil and a cup of hot chocolate in my hand) to smoke a cigarette and see a fresh blanket of snow across the mountain peaks . A cold bite is in the air .
It’s the last day of September , 12 days until I turn 26 .
Just this month , I spent almost a month in Tennessee. My oldest daughters birthday was on the 16th . It was a Horrible , red neck hell, full of lazy , illiterate , small minded , hillbilly's . Young woman letting there children run wild , grown ups inciting foul behavior for the sake of a good laugh. And then some little crack head women trying to pick a fight with me … of course I did what any good little hippy girl would do and hitch hiked out of there .. On to a buss .. And back to the Colorado mountains . Thank the purple spaghetti monster for good friends in high places. And after all that didn’t even get to see them . I got to tell them I was coming , bringing ice cream and cake and presents I had made for them , but then told I couldn’t come and I haven't talked to them since .. Even to say I'm sorry .. It reminds me how lucky I am to be me .. The pain I can take , I'm a big girl , and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ( at least that's what everyone says right ) .
I do the same thing every year , I travel down to the south , get slapped in the face by those bigger and badder than I am , and then retreat to my sanctuary of mother nature , and as a old friend of mine would say ,"peace out".
Another battle lost but not the war ..
As for now, I settle into these beautiful mountains and start preparing for next year .. A whole new round of arguing with some small minded farmer that her rights don’t succeed my own. But as for now .. I am home
In a perfect world I could just go get them , bring my babies home with me. Where I can watch them , teach them , and love them . However , this world isn't perfect . I am strong , and my daughters are too , but what hurt the most was knowing my Spider bite understood what was going on , and watching her cry . A silent strong cry , looking directly in my eyes , And now , September 16 I told them I would be there ,and I never showed up .. for that im sorry but there's nothing I can do