Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Back to colorado


 I wake up to a new day .. Fresh ..

 

         I walked out the door (oiled down with coconut oil and a cup of hot chocolate in my hand) to smoke a cigarette and see a fresh blanket of snow across the mountain peaks .  A cold bite is in the air .

  

 

        It’s the last day of September , 12 days until I turn 26 .

 

     Just this month , I spent almost a month in Tennessee. My oldest daughters birthday was on the 16th .  It was a Horrible , red neck hell, full of lazy , illiterate , small minded , hillbilly's . Young woman letting there children run wild , grown ups inciting foul behavior for the sake of a good laugh. And then some little crack head women trying to pick a fight with me … of course I did what any good little hippy girl would do and hitch hiked out of there .. On to a buss .. And back to the Colorado mountains . Thank the purple spaghetti monster    for good friends in high places. And after  all that  didn’t even get to see them . I got to tell them I was coming , bringing ice cream and cake and presents I had made for them , but then told I couldn’t come and I haven't talked to them since .. Even to say I'm sorry .. It reminds me how lucky I am to be me .. The pain I can take , I'm a big girl , and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ( at least that's  what everyone says right ) .

 

      I do the same thing every year , I travel down to the south , get slapped in the face by those bigger and badder than I am , and then retreat to my  sanctuary of mother nature  , and as a old friend of mine would say ,"peace out".

    

     Another battle lost but not the war ..

 

     As for now, I settle into these beautiful mountains and start preparing for next year .. A whole new round of arguing with some small minded farmer that her rights don’t succeed my own. But as for now .. I am home

 

   In a perfect world I could just go get them , bring my babies home with me. Where I can watch them , teach them , and love them . However , this world isn't perfect . I am strong , and my daughters are too , but what hurt the most was knowing my Spider bite understood what was going on , and watching her cry . A silent strong cry , looking directly in my eyes , And now , September  16 I told them I would be there ,and I never showed up .. for that im sorry but there's nothing I can do

Friday, August 8, 2014

Colorado Adventure... july 29th- aug 8 ... 2014 ...

 
 
 
My name is Minka Alexander and this is my blog about nothing . A blog about nothing and  a blog about me .. the reason I started this blog was because I wanted to keep a record of my crazy life for my self and my daughters .
 
I am in fort Collins Colorado . Its the end of July . Im sitting on the edge of a river bank iv been sitting on all day . I wish I had a photographic memory because the things I see I can not take with me. I can and will add a picture to this page, but it wont quite bring this place back .
 
The river is up rom the night before and the air is thin. however thin still filled with the smell of Colorado foliage . The sun drops bend up and slowly the shade turns to shadow . The sound of rushing water echoes across jagged rocks . the sound rushes straight through my head. Like a steam roller on pavement, the stream goes over my brain and soothes out the wrinkles.
the combination of the cool breeze , Icy river floating at my feet, and the northern lights in my pipe, makes gives these majestic mountain a healing effect.
 
August first we drive across the long endless valley from Fort Collins to Frasier Colorado. Just as it seems that the valley will stretch on forever the land molds back into mountains.  
It reminds me of the mountains in the Dr.Suess book Oh the Places you'll Go.
 
It is so easy to forget simplicity.
 
For what ever reason I am here
I will never know the reason.
Big or small it just is.
 
 
 
Whats the meaning of life?
Who says you get to ask questions?
 
 
 
There is no answer.
It just is. Something about the human mind. It ,is, unsettled without the since of order. Our hearts are not satisfied without closer .
Something we think we need or deserve can in-fact be very unhealthy.
We are not supposed to know the answer.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

July 14 2014 Denver Minka Alexander ...

Denver is a new place with new faces. I have enjoyed the mountains as well as the city . Denver is swirling with new people from all over . Now that pot is legal its a popular place and I guess I'm here for the buz . What better way to waste some time ..

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Minka Alexander and A New Epic Adventure

Minka Alexander and A New Epic Adventure .
                                                           

                 So .. As some as you know , Im in Denver Colorado . I just left my home one day . I picked out enough stuff I could carry on my back and just left .

                     Ive had quite the adventure , First I hitchhiked all the way to Salina KS then took a grey hound into Denver .. Iv been here for 13 days , Just wondering around Denver trying to find a job and new friends .           
 
                                
                                                                       
            

Monday, February 3, 2014

To my Art students! Old and new dont miss

The time I have been gone , I apologies for!

                   I will be giving private lessons again this month to introduce  a new student body for my 2014 classes. Im only taking 25 private art students this year so try to get in as fast as you can.

  Im sorry but my after school program will not be going on this year again. However, I would like you all to know I miss you very much, every single one of you.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

VID00110.AVI (+playlist)

The Truth about the Lie(a true horror story).... by minka alexander

     



                           I want to start with an apology to every one . I am very sorry that no matter how much i cry my tears will never wash away my tattoos . 

           I stayed up all night last night and pushed myself and pushed myself trying to finish a painting and i was so tired and so stressed the harder i pushed the worse it looked . Finally at 7 am i just stopped and put it away .. i stepped into a hot shower to clear my hazy mind , but instead of peace horror struck me . In the comfort of the shower i screamed a gut wrenching scream . My arms wrapped around my c section scar and i feel to my knees .. hot water falling on my back i cried and cried and cried . and screamed..For hours i could do anything but stare at the shower floor through tears and blue hair .. And there  am !

      I will no longer question if im beautiful ,and you shouldnt ether  . I will know longer question my talent as an artist. I this world makes that very hard to do ,but thats why god gave us will power.

      I have come to the realization that the TRUTH is ... it is all one big lie . Everything . After 3 marriages , 2 tragically kidnapped children, and a life filled with more  adventures than huckleberry Finn . I can tell you all . The pursuit of happiness has been for me a rocky up hill battle starting with mean and cruel school children . Every new town my family moved to , with new faces , unwilling to welcome an intruder . Sometimes with even teachers being unnecessarily cruel .  
     Then a step father who was extremely cruel .. making me seek love .. NO i .. OH god i needed love so bad .. i search for it in all the wrong places .. running away .. to anywhere .. maybe if i could just get away from where i was some one would love me ... then as a young teen i herd the story's of suicidal teens and i wished . i wished so badly i could have know them .. or the columbine kids .. if i would have known them i could have loved them and the bad things would never have happened(to them or me) , not only that but if they needed someone to love them that badly maybe they would love me . 

I have been asked over and over how do you get married 3 times at only 21 ( im 25 now) and ill tell you very simply . i want someone to love . Love is allways so far out of my reach . And now January 15 2014 I have to daughters over a thousand miles away from me ... kidnapped .. by the people who made me the creature i am today .. this creature i am i am not ashamed of .. but it isn't what i want for them .. there stuck in the world i was trying so damned hard to run away from .. silent hill? the others? (movies)fuck you this is a real horror story .. Here i am in Oklahoma in a stable home . I play housewife every day for a family that isn't even mine . I have no lover . I have no true friend . .. And in Georgia there are my two beautiful girls ... i cant see pictures i cant call ... i cant even talk to them . All because of the lies . I have not broken any laws or even been deemed unfit .. And to this day my mothers words tare through my memories like nails on a chalk board. "God gave me your children, and i have enough money that there is nothing you can do about it ." 

    They say i am so many Honorable things , a druggy a thief , a murder, a violent abusive criminal. And because I wear my painful memories on my skin as tattoos  . every one believes .. No matter how sweet i am it will never fade the ink.

   Never mind .. its all a rant anyway . Possibly i feel i need to type away my feelings .. but i hope my daughters read this one day ... 



   Star ,Emily , I'm very sorry I am doing all i can .  .. Linda Maddox , is not your mother , I am . I know she made you call her mommy but that's not your fault ..I f you find this and im gone .. just know Every thing they told you is a lie..I miss you...



     Minka loves you .. oh i just with i could tell you .. hear ur voice and tell you .. i love you...