To Star and Emily...
The pressure in my mind is this unbelievable mass . I am faced with this unbelievable obstacle . First and foremost I want you to know its not your fault. If anything you where both just to perfect .
So here it is today November 21st 2013 . I am awake at 3 am thinking of you . I realized laying awake in my bed if there was anyway to get a message out to you with out your grandmother stoping me it would be right here. This blog will be saved for you to read ,even if you don't find it until your my age (like 25) .
I will ALWAYS love you !!! I want you to know no matter what happens , no matter what you do ,or what you have herd , you are always welcome in my heart and my life and at any given moment no mater what im ready to jump in front of a buss to save you .
Iv done everything I can do for right now. But this cant last forever .
Emily Mary Rose Black ... I am your mother. I love you so much . your my first daughter . I don't worry as much about you , but don't think it is because I don't love you , Its because your the strong one. I see in you a lot of your father. You are the perfect little mixture of your father and me. I always say "EMILY could fight her way out of a cast iron box , she's made of steel." I know your young and you don't really understand what's going on , but I want you to know im still out here waiting for you. I love you Emily. I don't like the way they are raising you at all .. I would have done it all differently .
I know that you are confused , and that's ok , its life. Just know Emily my love . Im here waiting for my chance and I keep taking every chance I can to get closer to you , but the harder I try to get close to you the more they push me away from you ,from you and your sister.
D'les Elexia Star Spiderbite Alexander , I LOVE YOU !!! of course you know I am your mother. I am so sorry. I think of you everyday , last night I stared up at the full moon and wondered if you where in bed or maybe looking at the moon to. Sometimes I have this feeling of unbelievable dread come over me. It is like something terrible is happening and I cant do anything to stop it. I worry about you.
I want you both to know I have been writing letters and they all come back to me , even all the gifts I send ,even on your birthday and Christmas , they all get sent right back to me. I cant call you anymore, because they have had the number changed .. BUT they haven't changed the undeniable truth , I am still your mother ! and I LOVE YOU. and no matter what they do . I will always be your mother . They cant change that.
Oh and here in Oklahoma , you have a whole world waiting for you , aunts uncles , friends , everyone waiting. A warm home where you are always welcome.
One day the decision will be yours and you can do whatever you want. I will always have a place for you . Any time you need your mommy ill be right here waiting ...because I love you...