Sunday, August 18, 2013

8 ,18, 13... my daughters tears....

     ...After being separated from my girls for 2 years . The corruption of the Law system  in the north Georgia mountains had  not given me so much as crack to stick my toe in .. Not even a single Lawyer will go near my case as my family name in the Blairsville area is huge. my grandparents help boost the towns economy in its early beginning.
   I reached a point where i didnt care what i had to do . I swore i would see my children if i had to hitchhike to ga and stand outside there school .. just to see them ...  ... In april .. a dirty cold hearted biker warmed too the sadness in my story .. he set me up in a town just down the mountain and helped me get closer to my children ... then he died .. my hole world crashed .

    But god found me ... I stood fearless in every dark hour ... My love for my daughters drove me to  seek for truth and somehow god opened up my mothers heart and for two months i lived in her house ... The woman who tells the world i am but a lost soul , a thief and a lier . The time i got there was short .. But i held them ,sang to them , read star to sleep every night. My oldest is not oblivious to the situation , however she chooses to ignore it . My youngest knows all to well whats going on . Star(my youngest)even asked me "when you leave can you draw me a picture of you holding me so i can keep it forever"

So how did i spend my summer? I separated myself from the rest of man kind . I gave up everything i had , left my home, my friends, and became a leaf in the wind .. and god let me float down the river with my girls .. to show them ... no matter what happens to us .. ever ... my love for them is unconditional and bullet proof....   During my summer i was held at gun point 3 times.. i stood un wavering saying if your going to kill me do it .. it will end the torture that is my world. .. I was told to walk away ,i had no business with my girls to give up .. i stood unwavering and said .. i dont care what anyone says .. there my little girls and i will never give up .. i hitch hiked probably over 2000 miles .. and i made the biker gang the Outlaws in the heart of the dirty south grow a respect for me by standing agents the world for the ones i love , without blinking in the face of  giants  . Including fighting a hole snooty rich family ,holding there brothers hand untill the big mean bear who had once protected me came back or left his body completely . I said "im not leaving this hospital untill mike does "

           The final chapter truly there is no other heart on this earth who is more deserving of the sacrifices i give than my little angel star. As the wheels on my mothers car roll down the mountain my daughter holds my hand from the seat behind m8e. She sits in her car seat  behind me .. My mother (her kidnapper who used a high place in society to keep us apart babbles on and on about her gossips and complaining about her petty problems. Star and i never spoke a work . I turned slightly to the side and laid my head back on the passenger window . I stared at this little creature holding my hand as though ,to loosen her grip would set off a nuclear bomb. Star rested her head to the side on her car seat. We never spoke a single word . We looked directly into each others eyes. I can still see her face ,just as it was then. Stone cold at first, then slowly as the miles stretched across the mountain the pain her little heart was hiding began to leak out.   Star already knew my mother ,her grandmother ,(who had been trying to make star call her mommy or she would ignore her like she wasn't there )was making me leave ... again ..

Before we left the house that morning star had begged my mother to let me stay with her . My mother dodged the subject and made excuses and at a point got annoyed at star.

But sitting there we  Raced dangerously toward another goodbye that we didn't want to make. Slowly we lost the fight to hold back our tears . She watched mine as i watched hers . We where being pushed apart again . It hurt us both .. Just as i was .. behind her silent  tears I could see her screaming in her mind. My heart broke even more when i realized she, at 5 years old , was cut so deeply by this cruel world . There is nothing we can do .  The fact that we watched each other cry , connected us somehow. It let the other one see how badly the separation was going to feel. She looked so sad , losing her mommy again. That image will never leave my mind . And no matter what NO MATTER WHAT I can not let go .

I lost everything. I was beaten.I was treated like an animal,less than human. I was drug through the mud,and piss and shit ,And for what?!? ... For that .. Star needed to know im still out here .. She needs that comfort that even though i cant be with her every day I love her more than ANYTHING .. I have fought a custody battle for her before and after almost a year I not only won but was respected by dhs for my dedication to my children past any odds. This isn't our first time to deal with this .

 In the end , When its all over , I will still be her mother , no one can take that from us. I am her mother Minka Sati Alexander ,She is my daughter D'les Elexia Star Spider bite Alexander(yes thats her real name)
                           "mommy i was watching you sleep"
                             "why baby"
                                   " So i wont forget what you look like when your gone."
   I would rather be her magical dancing gypsy mother , show her through my tears how cruel discrimination can be, and how to fight back with love .  I would rather be this thing i am... because of her ... Than be anything else . I can not even tell you the amount of pain that goes with a situation like this . But its worth every bit of the pain . Still if i cant have her to hold  she was still an amazing blessing from god. I owe God pretty big on this one. So whatever i have to do for her , for them , i will do.  No mater what battles i lose , i never give up the war.



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