Thursday, July 4, 2013

Reliving a dream..

I have found myself in a completely different world. My mind wonders still several times a day to mike. I know he is gone, but my heart still yearns for him.
    My mother asked me today if I wanted to go to his funeral. I could not see that . My heart hasn't let him go . its like in the back of my mind he still hasn't died, and honestly I don't want to believe he is gone.


      I had a dream while my husband and I were still together. In my dream I was riding along and my mother was driving. I keep looking around and wondering where he was. After I told my husband about the dream he told me not to worry , he wasn't going anywhere and nether was I .

      Today as my mother and I drove home from town I was staring blankly out the window remembering his deep voice saying "I love you sweet girl". The realization hit me that I was reliving my dream. He 'IS' missing from my life, and my heart and mind will forever be stuck in the unknowing . I had a dream he next night that I was running into a green valley in a white dress, and at the bottom of the hill I fell to my knees and there was blood everywhere , but the blood was almost invisible  , covered with green grass in such a way that a person would have too look VERY CLOSELY to see it at all. On my knees with the blood soaking into the white dress , I began to dig into the ground of blood  and pulling out human hearts . I began digging  faster and faster , three at a time , five  at a time , dropping them into my dress to hold them all. Then I woke up,  I don't know what this dream means, BUT knowing how my dreams turn to reality it is a little unsettling.

   Someone has a habit of warning me of my future in my dreams. I just hope that I dream of mike again.

 

   In my heart He is still alive. At any moment he could drive up the drive way . Will he ? Probably  not .  However, I don't think I could handle the world if I prove to myself he died. I need him to be alive... somewhere.. The best friend I ever had. the only person who loved me for exactly what I was.

   As he laid in icu. I cried to god .. " please give him back to me".    The world isn't fair. Love is hard to hold onto. ... Give him back to me ….


 
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