Tuesday, July 2, 2013

broken heart



Its funny how sometimes gods plan falls in front of you. I have now inn my hands the things I have struggled for for so long, my beautiful girl, and still painful, because i know that once my mother realizes that, i wont be getting money from becoming a widow..       ... she will throw me away again.... ... but i wanted it this way , my beloved didnt trust women . I  wanted him to know i loved him. So i refused to marry him.



 In the path I took to be closer to my children I found Michael,a good friend, a ugly exterior, a beautiful heart, that he never shared. In others eyes,I had attached myself to a mean cold man, all they saw was a dirty biker , and a cruel monster.  Not to me, after time ,out of respect ..he eventually  showed me a side of himself he doesn't show many people. He was every thing I needed out of another human being. He swore himself my protector. He rebuilt a part of my heart that I was sure was gone forever. He treated me like a Lady. He held every tear in the palm of his hand. He told me he thought after all the horrible things he had done, and knowing he wasnt going to live much longer, god put me in his life to show the things he could have had if he took a different path.

Then like a Flash of lightning ,my strong protector was taken from me by his own declining health .. He was hospitalized after a massive heart attack. My heart broke and crumbled as I watched him lie helpless in the icu .The day will stay burnt in my memories forever.
He said "Get my phone, fallow the ambulance to the hospital and don't leave me."
 When we got to the hospital I parked , and ran as fast as I could ...
 once I reached the ambulance they where pulling him off...
He was flat lined..

My heart sunk straight to my feet. They brought him back and hooked him up to life support   before he had even past his family jerked him away from me. For the first 5 days I stayed at the hospital and fought them off. I couldn't eat, or sleep. I just set beside him in the icu room and watched him struggle to live. My once strong protector lay helpless in a coma. There was nothing I could do. I prayed to god to just give him back to me. :...

I begged him , baby please don't leave me, i need you, your kids need you..... 


            We have no control over life. It sweeps in and out as it pleases. I can only cry for him now and be glad I had him as long as I did.  I still feel the ache ,and I guess I will forever . I will also have a new earned respect for every widowed woman. That man means more to me ,and I had more respect for than any man that has been in my life, and now , he is gone ....
            
    




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